loneliness

I've thought a lot about the concept of loneliness.

The basic premise of loneliness is that we are alone, and yet, I think all of us have experienced feeling lonely in a crowd of people.

And conversely, we can feel completely at peace when no one else is around.

So, I real loneliness doesn't have anything to do with the physical presence of others.

Instead, it has everything to do with the feeling of not being seen or understood.

This explains why teenagers often feel so lonely. They're navigating a whirlwind of emotions, thoughts, and physical changes that are confusing, even to themselves. This growth, though universal, can be a profoundly lonely experience.

As adults, we face many lonely moments too - during college, parenting, and in our careers. Not to mention health challenges, financial challenges, job loss, faith crises, taking care of aging parents... As humans, we often struggle to put words to our experiences, and this inability to articulate our feelings leaves us feeling unseen, even by ourselves.

The past few years have been particularly challenging for me. Dealing with terrifying flashbacks, grueling therapy sessions, and a debilitating eating disorder has introduced me to a deeper, heavier loneliness than I ever thought possible.

I'm fortunate to have a tribe of people who love me and who are there to help. Yet, so often there literally aren't words to describe my harrowing pain. When I try to share my feelings with those closest to me, the words often fall flat, leaving me feeling almost more alone than before I reached out.

It's a discouraging, deflating feeling when you seek to alleviate loneliness only to have it backfire and intensify.

I'm learning something, though. If I can be there for myself, even if I don't have words for what I'm experiencing, it helps takes the edge off of the loneliness. If I can say things like, "This is so hard." or "What I am going through is excruciating." If I can hug myself. If I can wrap in blanket and let myself feel the weight of the pain. These acts of compassion go a long way in easing the loneliness.

Sometimes I feel like it's unfair that I'm really the best one to give myself the connection and understanding and the being-seen-ness that I so desperately crave. It feels like it should come from someone else. But, maybe there's a beauty to it, too.

I still need people; we all do. We all need to be seen and understood. Yet, maybe there's strength and power in seeing ourselves as well. Maybe that's what we all need a little more of.