you don't look anorexic

This picture was taken just a few months before I entered a higher level of care facility for eating disorders. At the time, I was very sick, but I looked... normal.

It's incredibly common to hear comments like, "She looks anorexic." But this seemingly harmless stereotyping is actually really harmful. Comments like these made me doubt my own illness, thinking I wasn't sick enough to get help because I didn't fit the typical image of someone with an eating disorder. Even when my condition became severe enough that my dietician and therapist insisted I needed more intensive care, my biggest fear was being turned away because I didn't look "sick enough." I was terrified that when I arrived at the facility, they would take one look at me and say, "You don't belong here."

But what I found at the treatment center surprised me. There were women of every size—some with the more traditional skeletal frames, but also women who were my size and larger. And all of us were sick enough to need intense care.

Fast forward a few years, and I'm now 50 pounds heavier. I'm much better, but I still struggle. I mostly eat regularly, but I still meet with my dietician every week and often find it hard to stick to my basic meal plan.

Looking at me now, you might think I could or should lose a few pounds. But what you don't see is the daily struggle just to eat enough. You don't see the years of heart problems I've dealt with due to starvation, which have made exercise impossible. You don't see the days I go without eating anything, and then the scramble to get back on track. You don't see how tired my body and mind are from the constant battle, and how much I hope someday to not struggle with this anymore.

Eating disorders are invisible. Anyone can be struggling. They don't have one look.

Be gentle with everyone around you. xx