ptsd is

"PTSD Is" is a series exploring the realities of life with PTSD.

PTSD is being swept away into dark places when you least expect it. It's straddling two worlds as your mind struggles to come back to the present while feeling so stuck in the past. It's gratitude for a grounding presence that gently pulls you back and reminds you that you're 40 years old and you're safe.

***

By Anthony 

in our bed 

in the darkness 

under our clean sheets and dolphin-gray comforter. His strong arm wraps 

around my waist, hand cupping my breast, quietly telling me 

about the day.

Away.

Under large bodies 

with unkind smiles

in a dark room

with dirty carpet and a moss-green couch. Strong arms wrap 

around my waist, mounting my tiny body, loudly attesting 

to my worthlessness.  

Away.

By Anthony, gently rubbing

with steady hands

in tender movements

with soft words, soothing and caressing

through patient whispers, softly reassuring me that I am

with him. 

***